Dear American Economy,
I know we haven't spoken in a while but word's gotten around that you're in a rough spot and I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know that you've been partially blaming me for your problems lately but you've dug this hole yourself. But I don't want to harp at you again for being too greedy and borrowing too much money from your friends, I just wanted to respond to your request that I got in the mail this past week. You asked me that I increase the value of my money to be closer to the value of yours. I know that this would help you get better which is why I'm sorry to inform you that I just can't afford it. If I increase the value of my money then I might become as unstable as you have been. Keeping the value of my money low has always worked for me and that's what I intend on doing in the future. I'm sorry you're in the place you're in but like I said it's your own fault and now you have to suffer the consequences. I hope you can figure something out soon because you still owe me over a trillion dollars and I need it soon.
Sincerely,
China
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